The harsh realities of romance scams

Known officially as romance frauds, these kinds of scams cleverly combine cybercrime possibilities and financial fraud, deceiving victims into believing that they are in genuine romantic relationships, only to exploit them financially. At the EU level, there is no comprehensive public data available on the frequency of romance frauds or the monetary losses incurred. The accessible information is fragmented, sourced from banks and various authorities, making it impossible to present more than estimations of the overall picture. These figures likely underestimate actual losses, as victims often transfer money through untraceable methods like cryptocurrencies and gift cards.

The Nordic societies fertile grounds for frauds

Little is known about the perpetrators, but it can be assumed that many Nordic perpetrators may suffer from gambling addiction. One example is a case from Finland where a middle-aged man defrauded 37 victims of a total of 1.3 million euros over a ten-year period, in order to combat his gambling addiction.

The cultural openness and high levels of trust inherent in Nordic societies makes them fertile ground for such fraudulent activities, leading to substantial financial and emotional harm for the victims. Besides openness and high level of trust, victims are prone to sense of urgency and sensation seeking, have tendencies to loneliness, extroversion and impulsivity.

The complex dynamics of romance scams

There are five stages in typical romance scams which we can identify:

1. Initial encounter or start of contact
2. Peak of relationship and romance
3. Turning points
4. Relapse back to scam and
5. Realization of fraud, or moment of truth.

In the first stage the scammer gets in touch with the victim, and usually quickly spread conversations across platforms to evade detection. After that the scammer starts love bombing and a continuous intensive communication, which builds trust between the two people involved.  Scammers simulate love, and emotionally manipulate victims using crafted profiles with inconsistencies like mismatched photos and sparse comments.

Many different kinds of manipulative strategies are used, social engineering might include e.g. presenting crisis, using liking and similarity in life situations, appealing to authorities (e.g. high rank professional role, e-mails from doctor, lawyers etc.) and enticing victims’ guilt. This stage develops into “a long-distance relationship” that includes fantasy relationship and feelings of connection.

In addition to financial fraud, these scams involve psychological manipulation, using tactics like “love bombing” to isolate and control victims. As a result, victims often hesitate to seek help or disclose their experiences. The consequences of romance scams are akin to those of domestic violence, sharing many characteristics of violent and abusive treatment toward victims.

Holding onto the fantasy

Nowadays, it is increasingly common for victims of romance fraud to be accused of money laundering. Scammers often use victims’ bank accounts as so-called “money mules” to obscure the money trail. Consequently, victims may end up in court and incur heavy debts, sometimes even facing hefty fines for crimes they are victims of.

During relapses, victims often describe a conflicted awareness of being scammed but choose to set aside this reality to indulge in the fantasy of a genuine relationship. Eventually, they reach a stage where they fully grasp the truth and recognize their victimization. At this point, many experience shock reactions, leading to various stress-related symptoms such as an inability to work, anxiety, and insomnia. Once the initial shock subsides, victims must cope with the financial losses and the grieving process for the lost and false relationship.

Help is available, but more research is needed

The Finnish victim support service Nettideittiturva (Love Scam support-project) reports that feelings of shame and guilt are quite common among victims, and one way to relief those feelings is peer support or professional counseling.

There is little to none existing research about effective romance scam victim support, even though there is substantial data regarding victims, perpetrators and their used techniques of manipulation. More research is needed on the best means to support victims and to prevent re-victimization.

Traumatic on many levels

The devastating repercussions for victims of romance scams are widely acknowledged, encompassing a spectrum of social, financial, health, and mental health challenges. These may manifest as isolation, financial ruin, chronic trauma, depression, and an elevated risk of suicide. However, not much attention is being paid to the fact that these frauds cause massive effects also to societies. Many victims fall out of support services and plunge into the void of lifelong indebtedness. Before falling victims, these people have been able to provide for themselves and their families.

Consequently, the societies are left handling the victims in crisis, witnessing the erosion of tax revenues flowing abroad to line the pockets of single perpetrators. It’s worth noting that nearly all romance scams originate from foreign sources, worsening the drain on Nordic and EU economies while empowering organized crime abroad.  Despite the collective commitment of Nordic societies to the ideals of a welfare state, the issue transcends mere socioeconomic concerns—it’s a matter of justice. Is it fair that Nordic and other EU countries are left only with negative consequences while perpetrators usually get away with their actions?

The article is written by

Eija Pietilä, Gambling Harm Prevention Specialist, EHYT Finnish Association for Substance Abuse Prevention

and

Helmi Korhonen, Head planner, Love Scam Support -project, Sosped Foundation

Fake Love, Real Losses: Exploiting Love for Financial Gain

on the request of PopNAD